Piss the season to be jolly

Last but not least, the toilet.

Successfully linked to the waste water pipe by the concertina-like nozzle (known in the trade as "New Extendable Jollyflex"), our new skipped toilet edges our house further away from the cold barren shell that it was more than six weeks ago.

Here is the intended joining of Jollyflex and holes :

To ensure there is no water leakage from the toilet bowl, several reels of water-resistant Denzo tape are applied to the rim of the toilet spout (the lower hole of the two in this photo). Denzo tape (which works by sticking to itself) will provide the Jollyflex with an extra grip on the toilet, and a few drops of PVC pipe weld glue help to seal them together.

Waterproof plumbers seal is then applied around the Jollyflex, as it slots into the waste pipe. This also prevents any unspeakable substances from leaking out.

And now the moment we've all been waiting for...

Our

Own

Toilet!

Goodbye to leaving the flat for a pee.

Law de toilette

On our way to dinner tonight, USgal spots this piece of objet d'art lurking next door to a Buddhist centre.

We've found a toilet!

Do you think this will conceal it in the meantime?

Later joined by SoundsNorwegian, we return for the toilet.

Now, if only we could find ourselves some wheels...

Ah-ha!

NB. It seems modern supermarkets have added a wheel-jamming mechanism to their trolleys to prevent their theft. We are probably getting some weird looks from people, who may be wondering why it is taking three people to use a trolley.

Here's an aerial view of the toilet.

All aboard!

More wheel-jamming as we head homewards, but the chance to shit in our own home propels us on.

Back home and...

The nozzle fits!

Eventually, the toilet and waste water pipe will be joined like this :

We will then attach them to the cistern, and hopefully a working toilet will spring forth.

The toilet baton is passed.

Hey, john

The following passage is taken from an article by Celeste Olalquiaga entitled "Object Lesson/Abject Object", where she discusses the origins of the toilet and the sewage system, going as far back as 1700 for clues. Here is how the word "toilet" began :

"...Quite different [to the fate of the bidet] was the fate of that lasting invention -- toilet paper. Evolving from the fourteenth-century 'toilette' or 'tellete' - a piece of cloth used for wrapping merchandise that often included objects of personal care (from 'toile', cloth, and 'tisser', weaving) - 'toilette' was gradually applied to the elements and very act of washing and grooming, producing such well-known items as 'savon de toilette', 'eau de toilette' and in 1902, 'papier toilette'.

In 1945, probably as a contraction of the term 'cabinet de toilette', 'toilette' became a euphemistic name for that most denigrated of spaces, les toilettes, the WC, john, can, restroom, comfort station, girls' - or boy's - room, etc."

So, there you go.

Toiletary thoughts

One aspect of the flat that has yet to encourage thought beyond what it is, is the toilet.

The toilet isn't probably a household item that gets much notice at all, except when it comes to hygiene advertisements on TV. We use it, blindly flush away, but do we ever stop to consider just how much water is being used in this process? We maintain toilets with detergents and bleach, and yet these substances are also flushed away.

With water scarcity on the risk list of worldwide resources, some might say, 'how can this be when I have water right here in my home??' But are we using that water wisely?

The following passage is taken from an article by Madhu Suri Prakash entitled "Compost Toilets and Self Rule", where she makes an interesting observation about toilets. I include this here as a pause for thought for everyone reading this blog.

"...In contrast, the abuse of water via flush toilets renders it toxic as well as globally scarce. More than 40 percent of the water available for domestic purposes is used for transporting shit. Mixing three rich, marvellous substances - water, urine, and shit - turns them into a poisonous cocktail. At a very high cost we seek to separate them again with dangerous chemicals and exotic technologies in "treatment plants." We reduce our sacred waters into chemically treated H2O that pollutes our bodies and soils and waters.

Returning our waters to the pristine purity of our ancestors' sensibility and sense of the sacred affirms the dignity and political autonomy of those who resist addiction to the technologies of professionals, bureaucrats, and centralised sewage agencies."

Behind the scenes at the toilet

Do you remember this moon-like oddity?

As the sole repair job that has gone unchallenged, today I decided to bear the odd chemical smell coming from the waste pipe and bring the toilet in line with the rest of the house (ie. almost repaired). Someone had to do it, and with workable electrics in our grasp and USgal bringing the kitchen and bathroom waste water pipes into the modern age, I was without a task.

Onwards.

Some toilet surgery. Like an episode of CSI. Note the Marigolds doing their noble bit to protect me from the mystery that lies beyond the foam.

What mystery substance will gush out of the waste pipe?

Wait for it...

Wait for it...

A moment more...

Nail-biting stuff isn't it?

Oh my god, what's that?

It's a bag from Waterstone's the bookshop!

It turns out that the councilmen who had smashed up the flat to deter squatters were a literate bunch of people after all.

Seriously though, this is a tactic they use to block the pipe. Stuff it with newspapers or plastic bags before plugging it up with hard rock foam. This will be easier for them to unplug when it comes to the flats being reoccupied by rent-paying people.

A photo of the waste pipe, post-bag.

A giant reddish toadstool aka the toilet seat.

Hole-y moley!

Eventually, the following concertina-like nozzle will connect both holes and a working toilet (assuming the cistern works) will bloom from that. No more escapades to the local pub for their restrooms or using the toilet of a neighbour.

The toilet as of today. Looking like artefacts from an archaeological dig.

Toilet surgery, as sponsored by McDonalds.

Smashing

This is the current state of our toilet.

It is apparently policy for the local authorities to smash up toilets of uninhabited homes, to deter squatters.

Of all the repairs taking place in the flat, the toilet is the one repair job that neither of us has yet to approach, apart from buying parts for it. Our job is to re-connect the toilet to the waste water pipe. The key question I have been asking is...

...when we start to chisel away at the foam blocking the pipe (as seen in the photo below), will anything come out from it?

Will all the Marigold gloves be able to protect us? All the veteran squatters around us seem to have no answer to my enquiring about this, which means they can't be proper veteran squatters then.

An answer obviously awaits (with much anticipation), let's hope it smells nice.