Saturday, 28 February 2009

Later and

New Breed

Reports have been slowly coming in of a 'new breed' of Sitex man, dubbed the stealth Sitex man. The latest local authority weapon against squatters, the stealth Sitex man is able to sneak up on the doorway of a newly opened squat within minutes of its liberation and wall it up in metal without the squatter inside even noticing.

In a story just this week, a squatter whose housemates had gone out to recon a front door only to return to metal sheets nailed across their premises had this to say, "we were astonished, we'd only popped out for half an hour".

Further eyewitness accounts show that no Sitex company van need be present in the parking lot during these "Sitex assaults" and that the stealth Sitex man does not make the audible caveman-hooligan grunting associated with the previous model.

Squatters are to remain extremely vigilant of random flashes of human-shaped lightning at their front door.

This is Squat Potato, 1379 kilojoules of energy per 100g.

Stay Put Luck

Squat Potato reports that staying in continues to be a troublesome spot for all at the squat. In spite of newly formed squat neighbours, home security remains a risk for each individual squat, thanks not only to snooping junkies but sightings of the 'stealth Sitex men', who can board up squats at lightning speed.

In spite of such regular daily threats, the liberated house, flat 22, still awaits the day where staying in can be balanced amongst its housemates.

When Squat Potato asked Atom Tom to comment, he replied, "It's such an integral necessity and yet it's complete bullsh-"

Oh, it appears we have lost transmission.

This is Squat Potato, squatting at the frontline of squatting.